Thursday, March 26, 2009
Friday, March 20, 2009
tom-isms...
this is just a list of random stuff i live by, codes i guess, anyway, i will add to this list and, when appropriate i'll explain myself and credit the person that influenced my thoughts.
1. "no future, no past, just now".
this one came from dave, the circumstances on how this quote came to be were hilarious, sad and brilliant all at the same time. it's such a great statement if you look at it and take it the right way. so i started to think about what dave had said and i wanted to apply it to my life somehow, how could i take this and make it my own? i have spent much of my "adult" life swinging back and forth between the past and the future, i'd be in the middle of some activity and instead of enjoying myself, doing whatever it was i was doing, i'd be asking myself "what am i doing next?" i rarely lived "in the moment" which is what life is truly all about, being here now.
2. perception is reality.
a persons perception of you is their reality of you, until proven otherwise. 99% of the people you come in contact with you'll probably never see again, so how important is it? well, it's the 1% i'm more interested in. to me it's of hyper importance.
3. be the person you are seeking to attract.
i was sitting around thinking one day (it happens) and i asked myself what kind of girl i'd like to go out with, i came up with a list of traits and qualities that i found to be important to me, then i wondered; how do i attract that kind of person? by becoming the person that i want to attract. in "tom-land" like attracts like. i believe good people are drawn, naturally, to other good people. honest people find other honest people, and of course, bad people are drawn to other bad people. now, there is a belief that "opposites attract" maybe in crazytown opposites attract, but as far as i'm concerned opposites divorce!
4. everything is temporary.
i love this! it helps me live in the moment and to appreciate what i currently have. i use this quote a lot lately, especially with the economy being the way it is. I might not have a job tomorrow, but, i have a job today and i will give 100% of my efforts, skills and abilities to it. this isn't just about work, i think it can be applied to everything, there is nothing more important than life and, even that is temporary.
5. treat others as you wish to be treated.
golden rule... 'nuff said.
6. you have to love/respect/believe in yourself, if you don't, why should anyone else?
this came from my other bff, arsen roulette (google him), and he got it from his friend "rockin'" lloyd tripp (google him too). during my two month membership to a dating website i went out on a lot of dates and i can't tell you how many people apparently don't like themselves very much, (usually it's because some asshole really screwed them over), even though they may say that "i'm a good person" they will tell you, either verbally or through their actions, that they don't believe in, love or respect themselves. i don't get it? if you can't love yourself doesn't that make you unloveable? if you're unloveable, what are you doing on a dating website? hoping to find an external validation of your worth? which leads me to my next -ism.
7. true happiness comes from within.
Thursday, March 19, 2009
Wednesday, March 18, 2009
somewhat conflicted...
so, when i started this blog, it was to keep my mind sharp, to keep me busy and to offer a constructive alternative to myspace, facebook and all that other nonsense. the bad thing though was my over zealous promotion of it, like a proud new parent showing off a new family member, i told EVERYBODY about it, even making the web address part of my email signature. now of course, knowing who may be looking at my blog, i find myself stifled, questioning every topic i try to write about before abandoning the entry.
it's possible, that writing about a date with an amazing person could have serious negative effects. ruining my chances of happiness with someone i feel a connection with. so, what do i do???
recently, best friend for life and "bro" dave approached me at work and asked;
D: what's with the blog T?
T: what do you mean?
D: last nights entry, it was kinda weak, are you running out of things to say?
T: was it really?! i don't know, i can't write about women all the time.
D: tom, you're on a journey, you're ready to be in a relationship and you are searching for your mate, there's nothing wrong with that, you have to write about it...
well, i don't have to write about it, but occasionally something will happen, and, yes, i will want to write about it. but will i?
sharing specific details of my dating life is something i won't do, it just doesn't sit well with me. so, i can only allow myself to talk about my observations, feelings, thoughts and ideas about love. even then, does that ruin it? if i spill my guts talking about life/love/relationships does that "leave nothing to the imagination?" the fact that if i share so much of myself then there'd be nothing to learn about me in real life? after re-reading this statement i now realise that it's rediculous for me to think that. i share only what i want to. people may make assumptions and decide they don't want to know me or that they've learned all there is to know about me. those with short attention spans or those that just have a casual interest in me will ditch out, those that have a genuine interest in getting to know me will hopefully be more intrigued to learn about me. everybody is different.
i believe looking at a woman that i'm interested in while the right music is playing can cause me to fall in love with her. is that possible? unlikely, but do i believe in it anyway? absolutely!
i believe a relationship lasts only as long as BOTH people want it to last, as soon as one person checks out it doesn't matter what the other person does or says or wants, there's no saving it.
i believe in love and romance. infact, of all the things that keep me going, that keep me interested in life, those are at the top of the list.
it's possible, that writing about a date with an amazing person could have serious negative effects. ruining my chances of happiness with someone i feel a connection with. so, what do i do???
recently, best friend for life and "bro" dave approached me at work and asked;
D: what's with the blog T?
T: what do you mean?
D: last nights entry, it was kinda weak, are you running out of things to say?
T: was it really?! i don't know, i can't write about women all the time.
D: tom, you're on a journey, you're ready to be in a relationship and you are searching for your mate, there's nothing wrong with that, you have to write about it...
well, i don't have to write about it, but occasionally something will happen, and, yes, i will want to write about it. but will i?
sharing specific details of my dating life is something i won't do, it just doesn't sit well with me. so, i can only allow myself to talk about my observations, feelings, thoughts and ideas about love. even then, does that ruin it? if i spill my guts talking about life/love/relationships does that "leave nothing to the imagination?" the fact that if i share so much of myself then there'd be nothing to learn about me in real life? after re-reading this statement i now realise that it's rediculous for me to think that. i share only what i want to. people may make assumptions and decide they don't want to know me or that they've learned all there is to know about me. those with short attention spans or those that just have a casual interest in me will ditch out, those that have a genuine interest in getting to know me will hopefully be more intrigued to learn about me. everybody is different.
i believe looking at a woman that i'm interested in while the right music is playing can cause me to fall in love with her. is that possible? unlikely, but do i believe in it anyway? absolutely!
i believe a relationship lasts only as long as BOTH people want it to last, as soon as one person checks out it doesn't matter what the other person does or says or wants, there's no saving it.
i believe in love and romance. infact, of all the things that keep me going, that keep me interested in life, those are at the top of the list.
Tuesday, March 10, 2009
Monday, March 9, 2009
amazing journey
today i went on an awesome scooter ride with my friends dara, dave and tanya, we met up in sausalito and rode our trusty steeds down into fort baker before winding up the hill to the top of the marin headlands. at the top are old world war two military buildings, mainly tunnels, pill boxes and the unfinished station for a 19 inch gun turret! the plaque mounted on the wall stated that the project was scrapped in 1942 because although the gun could accurately hit a target 27 miles away, the gun was useless at doing what was needed, protecting the bay area. the engineers realised half way through that it wouldn't be good at shooting down fighter planes and bombers. the other reason for coming up here was the view. do yourself a favor and click on the pics!
to the left spire of the golden gate bridge you will see an island; alcatraz, home of course to the prison. just to the right of the left spire is treasure island, another former military base. the skyscrapers in the background of treasure island is downtown oakland, if you look close you can see that treasure island is connected to the city of sf by a bridge, that's the bay bridge. obviously the big city in the middle of the pic is... san francisco!
here's my buddy dave snapping some pics with his iphone. so we stood there taking in the view, giving one word reasons for why we love living in sf; weather, topography, nite life, architecture, diversity, excellent guy-girl ratio, culture. then a tour bus showed up and unloaded it's cargo of swedish bikini models, as you can see daves demeanor changed quite a bit, i believe when i snuck this pic of him he could be heard saying; "how YOU doin'?" 
well, all kinds of stuff has happened in the past week, MAJOR LIFE CHANGING EVENTS, ok the all caps is probably a little melodramatic but, seriously, shit has been going down!
work
I received a "lateral promotion" at work, I am now back at the marin location, aka the "widow maker". hopefully i'll still have a job in 30 days. check back often.
dating and just being my sexy self in general
i'm still doing the yahoo personals thing, but i've changed my approach, i also discovered a new dating site called plentyoffish which is really pretty cool and worth a look if you're single.
oh and while i'm on here, this is the wood block clock i was telling you about earlier
to the left spire of the golden gate bridge you will see an island; alcatraz, home of course to the prison. just to the right of the left spire is treasure island, another former military base. the skyscrapers in the background of treasure island is downtown oakland, if you look close you can see that treasure island is connected to the city of sf by a bridge, that's the bay bridge. obviously the big city in the middle of the pic is... san francisco!
here's my buddy dave snapping some pics with his iphone. so we stood there taking in the view, giving one word reasons for why we love living in sf; weather, topography, nite life, architecture, diversity, excellent guy-girl ratio, culture. then a tour bus showed up and unloaded it's cargo of swedish bikini models, as you can see daves demeanor changed quite a bit, i believe when i snuck this pic of him he could be heard saying; "how YOU doin'?" 
well, all kinds of stuff has happened in the past week, MAJOR LIFE CHANGING EVENTS, ok the all caps is probably a little melodramatic but, seriously, shit has been going down! 
work
I received a "lateral promotion" at work, I am now back at the marin location, aka the "widow maker". hopefully i'll still have a job in 30 days. check back often.
dating and just being my sexy self in general
i'm still doing the yahoo personals thing, but i've changed my approach, i also discovered a new dating site called plentyoffish which is really pretty cool and worth a look if you're single.
oh and while i'm on here, this is the wood block clock i was telling you about earlier
eternal afternoon
it feels better to think "maybe she likes me" than to know for sure she doesn't, hope feels like the warmth of the sun on a chilly day and as long as you never know you will always feel that warmth.
Monday, March 2, 2009
online personality test results, i passed!
Self-Confidence
As someone with high self-confidence, you feel quite comfortable interacting with other people. Indeed, you find the company of others very stimulating and enjoy meeting new people. Your relaxed demeanor in groups makes people around you comfortable too. Perhaps because you feel comfortable talking about yourself, others tend to enjoy being around you and perceive you as socially competent.
The confidence that helps you feel comfortable talking to people also spills into your own personal beliefs about yourself. Although you have several strengths, it’s likely that you also acknowledge and accept your weaknesses. But unlike some people, you take full responsibility for your actions—you rarely regret things you’ve done in the past and are not embarrassed easily.
Perhaps the defining feature that sets you apart from most people is the exceptionally high standards that you set for yourself. Your competence in social gatherings as well as at work should provide ample evidence for this. With these characteristics, it’s very likely that people come to you for advice and generally think of you as someone with leader-like qualities.
Family Orientation
As someone who is oriented to familial matters, you value the company of family-members and domestic life. If you have children already, you enjoy spending time with them very much and work hard to be a good parent. If you don’t have children, you very much desire having children in the future. And your preference for cooking and entertaining guests at home will likely ease the transition into parenthood.
You take pride in maintaining and cultivating a healthy family and work hard to achieve this. This natural tendency is easily illustrated by your preference for doing things around the house as opposed to going out to clubs and restaurants.
What really sets you apart from people that are low in family orientation is that you know how to manage your frustrations and work well on your own. This means that you are well-equipped to manage a family without letting all the work that is involved wear you down. However, as someone with strong family values, all the work that is involved in maintaining a tidy home and well-stocked kitchen might occasionally make it difficult for you to finish everything that you need to do.
Self-Control
The self-control personality dimension captures the way in which a person regulates and directs him or herself. Being low in self-control can be both good and bad. Occasionally people may be compelled to follow their intuitions and give in to their temptations, and your degree of self-control makes this likely to happen more often than not. This can be good in circumstances where being relaxed and open are important. However, in situations where it is necessary to be focused and careful, you might find that you do or say things that may be inappropriate.
As someone who exerts little control over your actions, you may find that you commit social blunders that might offend other people and get yourself in trouble. For example, if you’re given responsibility to work on a project that requires close attention to detail, you may be likely to overlook important details because you have difficulty staying focused. Consequently, you might feel more comfortable delegating such tasks to other people who are more detail oriented. Being able to recognize such characteristics in yourself and having more detail-oriented people do such tasks could be an effective way to manage your own stress level.
Low self-control may diminish your effectiveness at work. Acting too relaxed can make it difficult for you to focus on projects that require organized sequences of steps or stages. Thus, your ability to accomplish may be inconsistent. Indeed, it’s possible that you might be criticized periodically for being unreliable or unable to “stay within the lines.” Nonetheless, you may still experience many short-lived pleasures and never be thought of as boring.
Openness
As someone moderate in openness, you have an appreciation for art and nature, but are also down to earth and realistic. On the one hand, it’s likely that you are fond of music and art, and on the other hand, enjoy and appreciate things that have a clear point and some sort of practical utility. Additionally, you have a certain degree of awareness of your own emotions; that is, you tend to notice when you’re feeling a particular way and take those feelings into account when making decisions.
You tend to think in both abstract ways—in terms of metaphors—and logically. Therefore, in your work and free time, you enjoy activities that get your “creative juices” flowing, but are also able to keep your mind on the primary objective of the task at hand.
Your tendency to be both open-minded, yet realistic is generally quite advantageous. For instance, when there are no clear rules about how to approach a particular problem, your openness makes it easy for you to identify new ways to solve problems that might not be very obvious to people that are not as open as you are. However, because you are also realistic-minded, you are able follow-rules quite easily. This combination makes it easy for you to excel in your work because you are able to “think outside the box” while still being able to keep your eyes on “the big picture.”
Easygoingness
Easygoingness refers to one's ability to relax. Based on your score, you appear to “take things as they come” and enjoy having a good time. However, being high in easygoingness also has the potential to produce stress in a number of ways. For example, you may find it difficult to complete tasks thoroughly and efficiently. In this way, being high in easygoingness cannot only make your life difficult, but also the lives of the people around you. Another potential problem with being too high in easygoingness is that it can provide you with gratification in the short-term, but in the long-term provide undesirable consequences.
High easygoingness, even when not seriously destructive, may also diminish your effectiveness at work, for example. You may find it aversive and difficult to put in all the effort that may sometimes be needed to effectively accomplish certain tasks. For this reason, your colleagues might view you as forgetful and unfocused.
How does your personality affect your love life?
With your strong degree of self-confidence, it’s no surprise that you get along well with most people. Indeed, it’s self-confidence that allows people to feel comfortable interacting with others without feeling insecure and vulnerable. For this reason, you shouldn’t have much difficulty in romance, at least not initially. Your social skills will likely help relieve any anxiety your romantic partners might have on those first few dates. However, over time, the high standards that you have for yourself could potentially frustrate your partner.
Given how much you value family life, you probably get along best with people who share your values and beliefs. In fact, it’s likely that you maintain close connections with members of your immediate and distant family. For this reason, you would probably be most satisfied in a romantic relationship with someone who also values domestic life. Being in a relationship with someone who enjoys going out to parties and staying-up late at night might be fun, at least initially; yet it’s likely that you will find this tiring over time. Thus, it might be easier and more satisfying for you to develop a long-lasting relationship with a person who also enjoys spending time at home and desires starting a family. On first dates, perhaps you might suggest to your partner that the two of you spend a quiet night having dinner at one of your respective homes instead of going out to a restaurant or club.
As someone who is more relaxed than most people, you’re probably attracted to most people. However, your free-spirited nature might make being in a relationship with a person that is more rigid than you difficult because you might perceive the person as being too uptight and controlling. For this reason, you may ultimately be most satisfied in a relationship with someone that is shares your level of self-control.
Your openness probably makes it easy for you to respect and appreciate people that are different from you. However, you may become frustrated with people that are too unconventional or traditional. Therefore, you may be happiest in serious relationships with people that share both your open-mindedness and realistic nature.
As someone with high self-confidence, you feel quite comfortable interacting with other people. Indeed, you find the company of others very stimulating and enjoy meeting new people. Your relaxed demeanor in groups makes people around you comfortable too. Perhaps because you feel comfortable talking about yourself, others tend to enjoy being around you and perceive you as socially competent.
The confidence that helps you feel comfortable talking to people also spills into your own personal beliefs about yourself. Although you have several strengths, it’s likely that you also acknowledge and accept your weaknesses. But unlike some people, you take full responsibility for your actions—you rarely regret things you’ve done in the past and are not embarrassed easily.
Perhaps the defining feature that sets you apart from most people is the exceptionally high standards that you set for yourself. Your competence in social gatherings as well as at work should provide ample evidence for this. With these characteristics, it’s very likely that people come to you for advice and generally think of you as someone with leader-like qualities.
Family Orientation
As someone who is oriented to familial matters, you value the company of family-members and domestic life. If you have children already, you enjoy spending time with them very much and work hard to be a good parent. If you don’t have children, you very much desire having children in the future. And your preference for cooking and entertaining guests at home will likely ease the transition into parenthood.
You take pride in maintaining and cultivating a healthy family and work hard to achieve this. This natural tendency is easily illustrated by your preference for doing things around the house as opposed to going out to clubs and restaurants.
What really sets you apart from people that are low in family orientation is that you know how to manage your frustrations and work well on your own. This means that you are well-equipped to manage a family without letting all the work that is involved wear you down. However, as someone with strong family values, all the work that is involved in maintaining a tidy home and well-stocked kitchen might occasionally make it difficult for you to finish everything that you need to do.
Self-Control
The self-control personality dimension captures the way in which a person regulates and directs him or herself. Being low in self-control can be both good and bad. Occasionally people may be compelled to follow their intuitions and give in to their temptations, and your degree of self-control makes this likely to happen more often than not. This can be good in circumstances where being relaxed and open are important. However, in situations where it is necessary to be focused and careful, you might find that you do or say things that may be inappropriate.
As someone who exerts little control over your actions, you may find that you commit social blunders that might offend other people and get yourself in trouble. For example, if you’re given responsibility to work on a project that requires close attention to detail, you may be likely to overlook important details because you have difficulty staying focused. Consequently, you might feel more comfortable delegating such tasks to other people who are more detail oriented. Being able to recognize such characteristics in yourself and having more detail-oriented people do such tasks could be an effective way to manage your own stress level.
Low self-control may diminish your effectiveness at work. Acting too relaxed can make it difficult for you to focus on projects that require organized sequences of steps or stages. Thus, your ability to accomplish may be inconsistent. Indeed, it’s possible that you might be criticized periodically for being unreliable or unable to “stay within the lines.” Nonetheless, you may still experience many short-lived pleasures and never be thought of as boring.
Openness
As someone moderate in openness, you have an appreciation for art and nature, but are also down to earth and realistic. On the one hand, it’s likely that you are fond of music and art, and on the other hand, enjoy and appreciate things that have a clear point and some sort of practical utility. Additionally, you have a certain degree of awareness of your own emotions; that is, you tend to notice when you’re feeling a particular way and take those feelings into account when making decisions.
You tend to think in both abstract ways—in terms of metaphors—and logically. Therefore, in your work and free time, you enjoy activities that get your “creative juices” flowing, but are also able to keep your mind on the primary objective of the task at hand.
Your tendency to be both open-minded, yet realistic is generally quite advantageous. For instance, when there are no clear rules about how to approach a particular problem, your openness makes it easy for you to identify new ways to solve problems that might not be very obvious to people that are not as open as you are. However, because you are also realistic-minded, you are able follow-rules quite easily. This combination makes it easy for you to excel in your work because you are able to “think outside the box” while still being able to keep your eyes on “the big picture.”
Easygoingness
Easygoingness refers to one's ability to relax. Based on your score, you appear to “take things as they come” and enjoy having a good time. However, being high in easygoingness also has the potential to produce stress in a number of ways. For example, you may find it difficult to complete tasks thoroughly and efficiently. In this way, being high in easygoingness cannot only make your life difficult, but also the lives of the people around you. Another potential problem with being too high in easygoingness is that it can provide you with gratification in the short-term, but in the long-term provide undesirable consequences.
High easygoingness, even when not seriously destructive, may also diminish your effectiveness at work, for example. You may find it aversive and difficult to put in all the effort that may sometimes be needed to effectively accomplish certain tasks. For this reason, your colleagues might view you as forgetful and unfocused.
How does your personality affect your love life?
With your strong degree of self-confidence, it’s no surprise that you get along well with most people. Indeed, it’s self-confidence that allows people to feel comfortable interacting with others without feeling insecure and vulnerable. For this reason, you shouldn’t have much difficulty in romance, at least not initially. Your social skills will likely help relieve any anxiety your romantic partners might have on those first few dates. However, over time, the high standards that you have for yourself could potentially frustrate your partner.
Given how much you value family life, you probably get along best with people who share your values and beliefs. In fact, it’s likely that you maintain close connections with members of your immediate and distant family. For this reason, you would probably be most satisfied in a romantic relationship with someone who also values domestic life. Being in a relationship with someone who enjoys going out to parties and staying-up late at night might be fun, at least initially; yet it’s likely that you will find this tiring over time. Thus, it might be easier and more satisfying for you to develop a long-lasting relationship with a person who also enjoys spending time at home and desires starting a family. On first dates, perhaps you might suggest to your partner that the two of you spend a quiet night having dinner at one of your respective homes instead of going out to a restaurant or club.
As someone who is more relaxed than most people, you’re probably attracted to most people. However, your free-spirited nature might make being in a relationship with a person that is more rigid than you difficult because you might perceive the person as being too uptight and controlling. For this reason, you may ultimately be most satisfied in a relationship with someone that is shares your level of self-control.
Your openness probably makes it easy for you to respect and appreciate people that are different from you. However, you may become frustrated with people that are too unconventional or traditional. Therefore, you may be happiest in serious relationships with people that share both your open-mindedness and realistic nature.
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